Since working on the first Fear blog I have been logging a list of my fears and breaking them down by the previously set criteria in the blog. Laziness being what it is, it seems easier today to add more fears to said list as opposed to forcing myself to commit to coming up with a completely new topic. Oh, sure there is plenty of shit to write about, as a matter of fact I had the desire to hit a woman with a baseball bat based as she was lingering too long in front of the bus station blocking traffic. While I am sure it was important for her to lock down the sole lane in a do not pass lane for about five minutes while traffic piled up behind her, I wondered what type of brain thinks that is ok, when clearly there is a parking spot another thirty feet up? I certainly wanted to be happy for her reunion with her loved one, who appeared to have a ridiculous amount of luggage – and I could have been happy for them, had she not been sitting in traffic in front of me. The added kick, was that she left her driver’s side door open thereby impairing anyone from breaking the law to go over the double yellow line lifted divider into oncoming traffic to pass her. Had her door been closed I would have made the attempt, stink eyeing her the entire time. Alas, she appeared to be both selfish and stupid and too wrapped up in her own reunion to feel my hatred. Enough about blind rage, of which I have no fear, and on to a few more nuggets on the Fear list.
Crowds – I hate crowds. People are idiots, when idiots gather it becomes a giant teeming cesspool of bad decisions based on peer pressure and alcohol consumption. Therefore my primary fear of crowds is the fear of being trampled to death because you are the first in line to see the Who, and others behind you get over excited at the possibility of the doors opening and then, the melee ensues, leaving you just another inconvenient hill to trudge over for some 70′s acid rocker who needed to get in to buy a t-shirt before all the good ones were gone. Granted with most of the Who dead, this fear is not as prevalent as it was in my childhood. Or say you are in the front row at Roskilde, and you just want to see Royskopp? But then, some rigging guy who isn’t insured and hasn’t distributed the lighting and sound load properly miscalculates and the stage, lighting and speakers come crashing down. I don’t like electronic music enough to die for it. There are no electronic music martyrs out there. Think about it. While to many my primary fear of crowds may actually seem a tad irrational, I haven’t even skimmed the surface of that one. The irrational fear starts by being in Europe on the street when a sea of soccer hooligans rape their way through what was once a nice shopping district and you happen to be in their path because all you wanted to do is look at some Camper shoes. So comes the tidal wave of pillage, thereby turning a fine vacation moment into a tragic event. I lived in Chicago when the Bulls were on their winning streak, I know the power of the ignorant fan. Like a human tsunami they wash the streets destroying all in their path. What about the running of the bulls? I mean that is the worst crowd of all? Drunks waiting to be gored by a bull? Who is the genius in that group that is totally sure he can make it? As for the possible foul play aspect of crowds – let us all look back to Tailhook shall we? Groping, anal pillaging and the like. It is safer to stay indoors with a shot gun at all times. The likely result of crowds is an unbearable vulnerability due to a gross invasion of personal space (I am talking American 2 foot boundary here, not 8 inch European close talking boundary). Unpleasant, say no more.
Second on the fear list today is 80′s juggernaut drug that just won’t die – Cocaine. My primary fear of cocaine is a Len Bias style heart attack, ushering in an untimely death. Irrational fear of cocaine includes a crippling addiction, followed by a downward life spiral into the abyss, and eventual prostitution. Not unlike the tragic movie lives of Marion in Requiem for a Dream, or Julian in Less than Zero. Naturally this route also leads to an untimely death, just with more sores. As for the possible foul play scenario – what could be more unpleasant than a blown out nasal cavity followed by a lifetime of sinus trouble, or a series of bad dating decisions based on a desire to stay high. Most likely result – ingratiating megalomania, serious gurning and plaque riddled breath. This fear unlike the other has a slightly possible upside – weight loss. What is one to do?
Oh, so much fear, so little time.
